—After Robert Fanning
When news of the scandal broke,
I met with my Director of Publicity,
and my Secretary of Damage Control,
and my Vice President of Catastrophe Management,
and my Assistant Vice President of The Endless Silence,
and my Regional Deputy of Obliviousness,
and my Interim Chairman of Everything is Fine,
and my Assistant Assistant Regional Vice President of Shut the Hell Up,
and my Senior District Toll Booth Operator of
Please Dear God Tell Me Where to Hide,
and together, as a team, united, we decided the company
should do the same thing it always does: delegate
the assignment to the Department of Brooms
and have them sweep The Thing Which We Will No Longer
Speak Of under their ancient and mighty rug.
Dawn to dusk, workers worked their majestic brooms
trying to sweep the thing, snarling,
under the rug. But the rug was swollen, shifting,
and already, it was getting hard to keep the edges down.
So much detritus already under there, it seemed,
and so much work left to be done.